The fucking holidays are wearing me down, as is my family.
I'm no good being around anyone at the moment. I couldn't be more depressed right now, and no one else needs to be taken down by that.
Which is why I have been sitting in my car outside our McDonald's (great WiFi)for the last 3 hours, engine idling to protect against -20 deg windchill, surfing the internet - mostly because I don't want to go home. Pathetic.
Did you know that they play Britney Spear's "Womanizer" about every 20 minutes? Yeah, they do. I'm starting to like it.
I tried to cheer myself up last night by going out to a movie. A good flick, I guess. But, I couldn't help noticing that I was the only one there date-less at a romantic comedy on a Saturday night. It wasn't the first time, won't be the last. Pathetic.
What the fuck went wrong with my life?
I'm a good guy, I think. Flawed, but good on the whole. Trying to be a good husband and father - for all of the good that does me. I'm reasonably handsome. I'm a caring and giving lover. I've taken the time and effort to learn how to please a woman in bed. I'm not a jerk. I'm relatively creative and interesting.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why can't I have a fulfilling sex life? Is that too much to ask? Really?
Fuck.
I may just sit here in my car all night, or at least until I run out of gas.
I can't pull out of this funk.