Fighting Not To Lose Him

Boy has it been a long long week! Feels like MUCH more than a week has passed.


I really don't even know where to begin. PC is confused. He wants - like so many of us - to have it all. He wants to work on his marriage. He wants to have me. He wants all of that to just work smoothly and fluidly together.

Right now it isn't. For either of us. We have had some really good conversations though. Where I am usually a person who keeps my own thoughts to myself in order to let him have what he wants....I couldn't do that anymore. My heart hurt too badly. I was already losing everything, I figured I couldn't possibly make things any worse.

And so I said what I thought. And how I felt. And what I believed to be true. I challenged him on some of the things he told me. I fought for him.  I fought for US.

Did I win?

I don't know yet. But at least I haven't lost completely.

I still can't believe I said some of the things I said to him. Gosh I was brazen....who do I think I am? Sheesh!

There simply aren't words for how much I love and respect this man. I can't lose him.
 
xxx,
DD